Take The "S" Off My Chest, Please!

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Sitting here trying to trick my body into thinking that the temporary boost from this espresso is a sufficient substitute for my only getting two hours of sleep last night; I've finally decided that something has to give. I have so many incredible people in my life, and I'm having a really hard time accepting the fact that making each and every one of them happy all of the time just isn't possible. Unless I figure out some way to clone myself this weekend, I'm going to have to let down some of my favorite people. As bad as I feel about this, and as hard as I've tried to stretch myself to be able to do it all, I'm facing the facts and accepting that it's not my fault; I can't be everyone's superwoman.

I don't know when and how it happened, but somewhere down the line I became afraid of the word "no". I saw "no" as a one sided unfair deal: denying someone something that they really wanted or needed; letting down a loved one; disappointing someone who doesn't deserve to be disappointed. No meant bad and yes meant good, so I "yes-ed" myself until I couldn't yes anymore. And when it all came tumbling down and I had no more yeses to give, I didn't know what to do. So naturally, I blamed myself: my time management, my commitment to relationships, my everything. Wrong. 

I can't be everyone's everything all of the time. I can't please everyone every day of the week. People are going to get upset with me, they will be disappointed, and if they really care about me, they will get over it. And if they can't find a way to get over it, then they will have to get lost. I'm at a point in my life where I have to be selfish. We all have to be selfish at times. We have to build up our own funds if we ever plan to pay it forward and give back to everyone whose invested their time and energy into us. Right now, I'm trying to pay it forward with an empty account: insufficient funds; and it just won't work.

So for now, I have to focus on the team of me. Finals and deadlines are approaching quickly, and I have to handle first things first. I might step on a few toes for now, but I promise that when the time comes, I'll replace any broken ones :)