Love and Relationship Ethos: Fin, Part 1

This isn't a post I foresaw writing at all, but here it is. MJ broke up with me NewYears Eve after three and a half years of dating. I wish I could say that I took it well, found the silver lining and ended things with a smile and hug; but that would be a lie. A huge lie.

My first instinct was to run, and my second was to eat. So thats exactly what I did, ran straight to my best friend's house. I knew I wasn't ready to face everyone yet, or tell anyone what had happened. I needed to go somewhere that didn't require me to talk about things I wasn't ready to discuss, or face those who I was not ready to face. So for two days I hid, and ate, and hid, and ate some more! Brownies, cookies, fries, you name it, and I'm sure I ate it. I'm actually surprised the linning of my stomach didn't burst at the combination of foods I consumed in such a short time span! Anyway, it was comforting, and a much needed escape from reality.

I knew I would have to talk to him eventually, especially since he was going back to basic military training (he left today). So I called him, looking for an explanation (or at least that's what I convinced myself I was looking for). Long story short, I got no explanation! The call ended after about a half an hour and I had more questions than before I called him. I couldn't believe that something that had been so good for so long was just ending. I hated that there was nothing I could do about it, that I had no control over the situation (control freak problems).


So, after more than 48 hours of eating and sulking, with the help of my bestie, I managed to get out the bed, and get back to real life. When I finally pulled my head out of the brownie pan and back into the real world, I was able to realize some truths. That just because MJ and I weren't dating anymore, did not mean our relationship was ending; it was just being redefined. That he wasn't leaving me, he was, in his own way, trying to look out for me, like he always has and like I know he always will. We talked again that night, and he tried his best to explain where his head was at. I tried my best to understand, and eventually I did... I think.

So, did we end on a good note? Yes, a great note. Do I think that he and I will ever be "together" again in a dating capacity? I really can't say. Do I think he and I will ever be completely removed from each other's lives? Absolutely not.